I was never close to my brother growing up. I mainly saw him as an annoyance, a nuisance, a pain in the ass who always got his own way. It was only when we hit our late teens that we really started to appreciate each other, and that feeling was further cemented when we travelled to Sweden together for Jessica's wedding. Then of course, nothing binds you like going through the process of dying with someone. I can't imagine not having my brother there by my side as we watched our mother wither away.
He was a fantastic uncle. Freja and Gabriel absolutely adored him. Loved the shit out of him. He was always fun to be around, fun to do stuff with and he just spoke to them on their level and they loved him for that. He'd pop in and spend time with them and you just can't place a value on that kind of stuff.
It's been two years since we've really had much contact, and Freja and Gabes have only just stopped asking after him. Sigrid and Jonah don't really know who he is, and as for Tove, well.. he never even bothered to come see her when she was born, so really, there is nothing there.
I always thought I'd know my future neices and nephews, and it's only just now I'm realising I may not. It's beyond sad.
I thought we were better than the rest of the family. That we'd avoided all of the petty arguments that so many of our other cousin sibling sets had succumbed to. However, it seems we are no better than them. And that too is beyond sad.
How am I to set the example to my own children about the importance of family, when it seems I cannot even practice what I preach with my own sibling?
The ties that bind are often the ones that hurt the most.
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