The Vomitorium

To those of you outside my inner circle, it must seem that we get Gastro an awful lot in our household. It pretty much averages on twice a year, once every six months or so, which I don't think is too bad to be honest. I have a cousin whos family get it every month. But then, I've seen their kids walk straight out of the shitter and into the kitchen without washing their hands, so no surprise there, eh?

So maybe every six months IS a lot in your eyes. Maybe your family never gets it. Kudos to you. When we only had two children, we never got it either. Well, very rarely anyhow. However, in the last three years, with the addition of three more children, it's become more prevalent. Let me show you how.

Example A. Gabriel is at school and the kid next to him vomits on the table. Even though Gabes wasn't hit with the barf, some of the microscopic particles hit him and he ingests them... resulting in him bringing Gastro home. Now, we keep Gabriel isolated, away from the other children.. but unfortunately, you can't explain to a 2 year old why he shouldn't drink out of his big brother's water bottle when you aren't looking. And down goes Jonah.

Now Jonah and Sigrid are as thick as theives and it's impossible to stop Sigrid from being near her brother. Even though I didn't see it, I'm pretty sure Sigrid drank from Jonah's water bottle in an unguarded moment too. And down goes Sigrid.

After a week of cleaning up vomit and shitty nappies, I'm feeling lucky that I haven't got it yet. Whoops. Spoke to soon. Down I go.

Or take Example B.

Our guests arrive for a day visit to our new place, not telling us that they and their three kids have been sick all week with gastro. The last victim still has loose stools, so technically, they're still contagious. They stay at our place for 12 hours and I'm pretty sure were in all of our rooms.

Two days later both Sigrid and I wake up vomiting. Could be we both ate strawberries that were contiminated by the youngest victim..who knows? Or maybe I really am just a slovenly housekeeper.

Now, try as I might, in the next few days, I witness Jonah picking up Sigrid's water bottle, Gabriel's water bottle, Freja's water bottle.. he really doesn't give a shit who's bottle it is, just as long as he's not thirsty anymore. Sigrid feeds Tove her meal because she doesn't feel like it when I have my back turned...Can you see how easy it is for the youngest three to pass it back and forth??

I really hate Gastro. I really do. But I know that once my youngest three are bigger we won't have the same issues we do now. I feel like I do nothing but clean and it still doesn't stop the spread. You can't reason with a 2 or 3 year old. They don't get it.

So your family doesn't get gastro. That's great! I look forward to that day too. But please, engage your brain before you open your mouth. I don't need your advice when I'm in the thick of things as to how I can possibly stop the spread in my family. It comes across as condescending and judgemental and to be totally blunt, fucking tactless. Maybe next time, I'll invite you over and see if you handle it better. If you manage to contain the outbreak to just the one kid, I'd like to see it. And if that's the case, I'll eat my words and kiss your ass too!

I'll let you know in six months, eh?